We know you’re itching to play B&Q The Video Game, but while we wait for the DIY giant to release the DSi bodge-em-up, we’ve rounded up our wish-list of other high street stores we’d love to see at home on a console.
1. Go For Broke: Bradford And Bingley edition
The banking crisis made fun? Or just a queue simulator where the most inventive financial bitching earns you points?
2. Cake Wars
Created for Greggs by first person shooter experts, id Software, this pastry-fuelled fighting title would see you tackle shopping centres full of tubby enemies, but with a cream horn in hand, rather than a plasma rifle.
3. GTA Phwoar
Brought to you by Ann Summers, this “fantasy” title would pack less of the guns, violence and gangs. More of the mucky undies, embarrassed punters and even the odd novelty phallus. The game would be rubbish, of course, but the steamy cutscenes would more than compensate.
4. Jobhunt 2
Forget Manhunt 2, this is where the real battle for survival is. Created in association with Woolworths, this next-gen RPG would see you battling for employment from the brink of the dole queue.
B&Q: The video game coming to DSi?
5. Super Mario World of Leather
No, Ninty’s chubby plummer hasn’t gone kinky: he’s started selling wipe-clean furnishings instead. Bonus points are available for negotiating an extended interest free period, but you’ll lose a fair chunk of time helping Luigi load your leather monstrosity into the back of a rented van.
6. Esso The Dolphin
Forget cruising ‘round coral and dancing with fishes: In a world of ecological turmoil you’re tasked with cleaning up oil slicks and rescuing sea creatures from a greasy doom. Cheery? Nope. But you’ll feel more eco friendly just by booting it up.
7. Theme Hospital: Swine Flu edition
Can you inoculate the entire British population in time? Racing against short supplies of Tamiflu, time, and NHS budgets you’ll need to act fast to avoid hamageddon.
8. Wii Sports Centre
You. In a sports centre. Cleaning up wee.
9. Call of Duty: Boots Camp
Does fruit count as part of a meal deal? How do you work the self-service checkout? Is there an extra charge for developing photos from film? Just some of the inane questions you’ll field as you train for employment in Britain’s biggest pharmacy.
10. Metroid Primark
Shopping has never been so mechanical. Well, unless you count the typical checkout staff.
